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Friday four October 2019 by Davywavy

Priti Patel calls for end to encryption

The Geordie accent can be banned underneath new encryption legal guidelines being proposed by the house secretary, we are able to report in the present day.

Prompted by Priti Patel, the legal guidelines are supposed to make it unlawful to make use of any type of communication which isn’t understandable to the police and safety companies, that means that individuals from Newcastle are nicely stuffed.

Geordies are sad on the information, we predict, after one informed us, “Ah assume it’s deed ladgeful that individuals need tuh sta wor talkin leek this.

“It’s neet leek wor talkin is tough tuh perceive. it’s simply phrases leek.

“We’re neet deeyuhn any terrorism or owt,” they concluded, incomprehensibly.

Scouse and Glaswegian accents are additionally anticipated to be prohibited.

“The aim of encryption is to take significant communication and switch it right into a string of meaningless gobbledygook which no one of their proper thoughts can perceive,” a spokesman for GCHQ informed us.

“In order that’s the Welsh language proper out as nicely, come to consider it.

“Do you know the Welsh phrase for ‘12 months’ is ‘blwyddyn’? How are we imagined to work that out? There’s not even any vowels to begin with.

“I’m not Alan fucking Turing, you realize.”

Individuals from Newcastle are allegedly livid concerning the new legal guidelines, however frankly it’s inconceivable to make certain with out an interpreter.

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